I opened my very own tabletop gaming shop because apparently “Tabletop Game Shop Simulator” is a real game, and it’s basically a Games Workshop-style shop manager. So naturally I thought: how hard can it be? Day one I’m naming the place something stupid, ordering way too much stock, dumping shelves wherever they’ll fit, and immediately learning that running a shop is 90% getting in customers’ way and 10% panicking because everyone pays cash and I have to do maths (which is rude, because I’m disabled). As the days go on, I start doing what any responsible hobby goblin would do: unboxing my own inventory like it’s a gacha game, marking prices up “because I am actually Games Workshop,” and then immediately backpedalling when nobody buys anything. The big twist is I unlock paints, brushes, painting tables, and eventually gaming tables, dice, and rulebooks—so the shop turns into a full hobby den. I even paint minis via a little timing minigame (edge highlight, shade, blush… you know, professional stuff), then try selling them at a markup like they’re Golden Demon winners. The takeaway? The business model that actually works is pure chaos: sales, restocks, and a weird “Asda” cheap-and-cheerful approach. I set out to be a price-gouging villain and accidentally discovered that being cheaper shifts way more plastic. Also: this fictional company’s blind-box sprue nonsense is somehow even shadier than Gdubs. Impressive.