In this video, I’m in my Montessori classroom talking about a phrase I hear adults say all the time to upset children: “you’re okay.” I know it’s usually coming from a loving place, but when a child is distressed, it isn’t actually true. If they’re sad, scared, embarrassed, or hurt, they’re not okay in that moment—and telling them they are can feel like we’re dismissing their experience instead of helping them process it. I break down why “you’re okay” is a problem: it can be a lie, it doesn’t validate the child’s emotions, and it can make us seem clueless about what their tears and sounds are communicating. What toddlers need is an adult who understands what they’re feeling, acknowledges they have a right to feel that way, and helps them assess what’s happening. So I share phrases I use instead, like “Are you hurt? Is your body hurt?” and “Let’s take a look,” along with truthful reassurance such as “You’re safe now,” “I’ll take care of you,” and “I think you’ll be okay” (not “you are okay”). The goal is comfort plus perspective—helping children feel secure, supported, and able to trust their own emotions.