I pulled up to Carter Kench’s house with one goal: turn him into Elf on the Shelf IRL… and yes, it immediately got cursed. We started by trying to give him those cute, dainty elf brows (aka: I basically erased his eyebrows), then went full face with bigger, doll-like eyes and a whole “tiny plastic elf” vibe. Somewhere in the middle, my brow glue betrayed me—my Proz-Aide was literally dried out and expired—so I had to pivot to liquid latex and keep it moving like the chaotic professional I am. While I was painting Carter into what he eventually named “Patty the Batty,” we answered your questions and somehow spiraled into Santa being the final boss of gossip, our fake Titanic-meet-cute lore, and Carter confessing crimes against my houseplants. Then we committed to the bit with costumes (yes, I also dressed up—Patty needed a friend), and we put “elf behavior” to the test with IRL poses… including the most unhinged bathroom cameo of all time. If you’re here for chaotic transformations, bestie collabs, and holiday energy that’s equal parts funny and mildly terrifying, this one is for you. Watch to the end because it truly escalates fast.