Good morning, race fans. In this one, I went on a full-on scavenger hunt through every F1 team store to find the single worst official merch item each team is currently trying to sell us. The mission was simple: locate the ugliest, cringiest, most upsetting pieces of “who approved this?” product design—without dunking on the designers themselves. My beef is with whoever looked at these items and said, “Yes, ship it.” And yes, I came prepared with my own extremely ugly McLaren cap, which is apparently one of the good items… so that tells you where the bar is. I go team by team—McLaren’s pretentious color names (what do you mean “evening primrose”?) and the truly cursed Vegas cheetah print set, Ferrari’s high-fashion pricing that feels like daylight robbery, Red Bull’s “ORBR/Orber” desperation and the Sergio Perez flame polo with the cactus situation, and the Miami GP continuing to haunt basically every store. We also get into Racing Bulls being weirdly goated, Mercedes being classy to the point of boredom, Aston Martin selling skincare like we wouldn’t notice, Haas having actual whimsy, Williams randomly offering a cardigan, Alpine’s bus-seat-realness Miami cap, and Sauber/Kick’s Miami designs doing Guanyu dirty. At the end, I rank all ten teams from least painful to most painful to look at. Spoiler: Racing Bulls wins for having the least-bad worst item, and McLaren somehow takes P1 for the most horrendous merch I’ve seen in a while. Stay fueled.