Good morning, race fans. In this video I went on a truly cursed little off-season mission: digging through F1 drivers’ personal merch stores to find the single weirdest, cringiest, most bamboozling item each one is selling. Then I ranked the grid from “this is fine” to “FIA, check that Plankware.” If a driver didn’t have a store (or their site was empty), they got automatically DSQued—because I’m not awarding points for vibes alone. We start with the heavy hitters and immediately find out why Max’s store has a reputation (RIP the legendary shampoo/shower gel), while Lewis and Lando prove that some teams are basically allergic to making bad merch. From there it gets delightfully unhinged: Colapinto’s DIY “make your own fake merch” gallery is an all-time power move, Gasly’s graphic novel is adorable but also insane ego behavior, and Leclerc’s “performative male final boss” keychain pricing had me in physical pain. And then… Alonso. The museum gift shop is a cheugy time capsule of cufflinks, thimbles, olive oil—my goat wins by simply selling everything. No bias. Definitely not rigged.