I have a confession… I’m in a toxic relationship with physics. In this video, I finally sit down (with a super refreshing coconut water matcha, because of course) and talk about my full physics journey—from being a science-obsessed kid in the Philippines watching Knowledge Channel, to building fun high school physics projects, to ending up as a Physics PhD candidate in the US. I also introduce myself properly if you’re new here: I’m Melly, a Filipino grad student, and this coming fall I’m going into my fourth year as a PhD candidate in physics. I share how I originally enrolled in education, got “accidentally” pushed into secondary education in physics because of a math subject mix-up, and then eventually made the scary decision to shift into BS Physics because I wanted to go deeper. I talk about choosing condensed matter, working on conducting polymers, interning at UP Diliman’s National Institute of Physics, and then teaching back at my alma mater as part of my DOST scholarship return service. Grad school became my escape from burnout, and now at Wayne State University I work in soft condensed matter on hydrogels and nanoparticle dynamics using fluctuation correlation spectroscopy. My biggest takeaway: physics is hard and it can make you feel dumb—but if you’re curious and you persevere, you can still do it (even while yapping through the struggle).